Steve Harper sums up yesterday…

Coloccini and Fellaini….

Coloccini and Fellaini

We have no idea what the relevance of this is, but it’s funny.

Thanks to Andrew Stewart for the heads-up.

NUFC Promotion Commemorative Plate

One of the lads at work just produced this fine work of modern art*.

Genius.

 See the full version here 

 *not for general sale - unless some mental bastard wants to chuck a stupid amount of money the lads way.

This burning of the Koren thing…

…what has he done to annoy these crazy American folks so much?

He seems like an affable guy.

NUFC - Nazi Undertones Fuel Celebrations?

Following the Joey Barton “Nazi” Salute furor a local journalist has now complained about the “bodies in a pile” celebration following one of Newcastle’s goals. He claimed that this is an insult to the memory of refugees killed in Nazi death camps in the Second World War. In these camps the bodies of the dead could possibly have been dumped in piles on the ground very similar to the Newcastle players’ celebration.

The journalist in question observed “the imagery could have been too much to cope with for some, maybe. The lifeless bodies piled in that particular manner, wearing the striped shirts with their names and numbers. There is just too much similarity for this to have been anything other than a cruel deliberate parody of the death camps of 1940’s” 

In addition, further complaints have been received suggesting that Andy Carroll’s “Airplane” celebration, running with his arms spread out wide, very similar to the slightly swept-back wing design of the 1965 McDonnell Douglas DC10, may cause offence to relatives of those involved when a Flinn Air DC10 hit severe turbulence in 1978 over the Parbat mountain region of Nepal. Official records suggest that a number of drinks may have been spilled during the incident.

Complaints were also received claiming that his celebration revealed brief glimpses of his volumous underarm hair, which may cause offence to elderly Welsh women suffering from alopecia.

As a final note Kevin Nolans fist shaking celebration has been criticized as deliberately making fun of epileptics and recovering alcoholics, not to mention my Uncle Frank who is 93 years old and hasn’t been able to eat soup since Blackburn won the League.

When asked to comment, an NUFC spokesman could have said “Don’t be so bloody stupid!”

Due Dilligence? Not for me…

Mackems are fat - fact…

It is now official that Mackems are fat, over-weight, unhealthy pigs.

Not our words, the words of the NHS.

See that statistics here…

– Robbie ‘The Knob’ Savage gives his view on NUFC. 10 or 12 squad players. Is he for real?!

On the road – Part 1 – Blackburn Away Dec - 07

This is the start of many first-hand accounts of Newcastle United Away trips attended by the shiteseats lads over the years. 

Some of it is not big, clever or pretty, but fuck it, here goes:

You know it’s going to be an interesting day when one of the lads your meeting for to share a taxi to town with, turns up still hammered from the night before carrying a plastic bag and stumbling up the road 10 minutes late.  We set off from our humble abodes at 6am.  No one could be arsed, but at the same time, bags packed with drink, couldn’t fucking wait.

We arrived up town outside central station to a boatload of the lads cracking open cans and eating some pastys, all at 6:30am.  You know the score if you’ve been before.  6 bus loads of ‘A-Billy-Swift’ Radgetastic Travel pulled up and everyone piled on carrying at least a crate of beer each.  This wasn’t going to be a dry bus that’s for certain. 

Anyhow, we decided to give it at least til 7am before any drinking started.  I’d prepped a few sarnies for the lads, which I then got the piss taken outta me for the rest of the day.  The bastards weren’t saying that when they were shoving them down their necks 20 minutes later like.

Anyhow, this had to be the worst bus in the world.  If anyone can remember Priory coaches from the mid 90’s…this was worse.  At least it had a pisser on board.

The bus was full of our usual contingent of away support, normals, mixed with radge packets and the odd pissed kid along for the laugh. 

We broke down every 30 miles or so, which would’ve been ok, but the drink was starting to run out.  Eventually after a trip over the Pennines we ended up in Chorley.  Suddenly the coach came to a halt.  The driver had only rammed into the back of a people carrier.  Fucking idiot. Imagine the sight of 30 or so pissed up Geordie lads piling off the bus while you sort out insurance details.  The bloke must have been shitting it.  2 minutes down the road, we ended up in a boozer.  No idea what the hell it was called. 

The woman who owned the bar had put on a nice spread for the travelling fans…but with hindsight putting it out on a Pool table was not the brightest idea.  The youngins in the group decided to start some chants, in which the now infamous ‘Tell all the boys you know…’ was born. 

Sarnies, sausage rolls and pork pies flying all over the shop, beer being spilt all over and the chant went on and on, for a full hour, with the younger lads jumping up and down on the pool table and hoying chairs around.  Pass it on, pass it on pass it on!! Some dafties even played Snooker with Scotch eggs. 

One lad got hoyed out by the bar lass…she was only 4 foot nowt, but grabbed the big lad by his lugs and dragged him out.  Chants of “She’s a dwarf, a dwarf” then ensued.

After everyone had their fill , off we went to Ewood Park and to the Fernhurst.  Anyone who has been to Blackburn away will know of the place and the Party Tent.

Imagine 400 Geordies piled into a massive marquee, free to do whatever they pleased with any amount of drink they could afford.  Class idea!

The rest of the day is a bit of a blur, but I can remember chants of ‘Mohammed, Mohammed the bear, everyone knows his name’ being banded about whilst waiting to get in the ground.  Quite a topical subject at the time.

The actual match was a shambles…Allardyce at his prime.  Boring, negative and wank.  The support on the other hand was immense.  Over 6k in the away end. 

Ewood Park is a shit hole.

The only recollection I have of the journey back is that some cheb end broke the skylight, the bog was broken and the driver was a massive twat.  We got back to town, got a taxi back home and went out on the lash for the rest of the night.

Quality day. Shit game. 

More goal celebrations…

From the team that brought you the ‘fishing’ celebration.

Fantastic.

http://www.20min.ch/sport/fussball/story/Islaendische-Fussballer-jubeln-munter-weiter-29778394

The most exciting thing about tonight must be…

…Joey Barton’s magnificent new tache. It truly is a thing of wonderous beauty.

• To me…to you