NUFC 2-1 AVFC: Your #5WordReviews

There were, to put it mathematically, a fuckton of #5WordReviews sent to us yesterday and today. Here are our favourites:

@lovetheturret: Double Dembas doesn’t disappoint…like
@David_Mullan: Ciss9 gets lost in warmup!
@Doddsy9: I love the Double Dembas
@howay51: Dembas went in two by two (that’s 6 but who cares?)
@AndrewBThompson: Perch is Busquets in disguise
@SamBaldwin19: Papiss poaches Pardew’s precious points
@Hayrr: The Dembas take the Papiss
@Bromptonite: Let’s not forget Tim Krul
@ToonTeg: Deadly Double Dembas Vanquish Villans
@MontyMag: Weak refereeing yields unnecessary injuries
@billyjoelismint: Never mind Cissé, Perchy’s mint
@blefuscu74: Let’s all laugh at Villa
 @IainReynolds: Demba Demba sink the Sulker
@sytuck1977: The Demba Boys are coming!
@LeeSibbald: So where’s your messiah now?
@teeweeM: Newcastle are still riding luck
@Bully5HVFC: Laugh last, laugh the longest 

And our favourite, for the sheer brilliance of the wordplay, the pun and the clever use of limited words goes to: 

@Rob_Hardie85: Newcastle won against Aston Villa 

FFC 5-2 NUFC: Your #5WordReviews

After Saturday’s capitulation at the Cottage, here are your #5WordReviews:

@johnnylilley Winning till Gaz turned up (Yep - sorry!)
@Ludachris14: A game of two halves
@JamJarWilkie: It’s time for fooking beer
@blufescu74: Dempsey demolishes dire defending demonstration!
@CHNOSotP: Three points forfeited. Moving on.
@WeAreTheMags: There’s only one Eff-in Fulham
@NufcKev: What the FUCK happened, lads?!
@DaveBrennan: High defensive line fuck up
@McQue88: Did that really just happen?
@Cooperi4: Where the fuck’s our defence?
@DaveByrne1980: What happened at half time?

…and one which wasn’t even a 5WordReview but sod it, I’m putting it on anyway:

@AndyMarkSimpson: It’s National Pie Day today! 

NUFC 0-3 CFC: Your #5WordReviews

Here are your #5wordreviews following our 3-0 defeat to Chelsea at SJP:

@Cooperi4: Wounded animal? No just shit.
@Suraj182: Have we played someone yet?
@AndrewBThompson: All the pressure on Chelski
@mayorofderry: Mike Dean is a kernt
@Mr_Domski: The ref signed for Chelsea
@NufcKev: Mike Dean, the turd burglar
@LilYorkshirePud: Bounce back from tough month
@shellybegood: Carver, penalty, Krul, fans, Speed
@fnafilms: Same old Chelski, cheating bastards
@therealrobbo: Great game spoilt by officials
@ReturnoftheMag: Played everybody and still sixth
@steve_a1977: Fucked over by another ref
@mickb79: Taylor’s watching euros on holiday
@DazB27NUFC: Suarez. Needs. A. Fucking. Dentist.
@thuiw: Was ref on Roman’s yacht? 

NUFC 2-1 EFC: Your #5WordReviews

After United made it 11 games unbeaten in the league this season, and cemented their place in third, here are your #5WordReviews:

@paulgibbins: That’s £20m for Raylor, Kenny
@WeAreTheMags: Chew on that you Toffees!
@tomcarlisleuk: No towels needed this time!
@HowayTheLads: Pick that MOTHER F*CKER OUT!!!
@oldheatonian: Raylor Raylor Raylor Raylor Raylor
@broloccini27: Raylor is the Scouse Yeboah
@Jobey07: No wall. Just top corner.
@Tommy_Da_Tank: Raylor scores with his hand!
@maria34jl: Free kicks in Europe, Raylor?
@Martin27Scott: Ryan Taylor under the bar!
@jjjubilee: Up the premierleague we go
@Alex_Ingle_nufc: Raylor Taylor over Tim Howard
@JamesFoth: When will this dream end?
@mayorofderry: In Fabricio Coloccini we trust
@ColinRance: I’ll rub it better, Yohan
@JeffsW0rld: Let’s end the season now
@freddiecase: Pardew can shag my missus
@MickyCampbell72: I must be f*ucking dreaming
@UKCHAZ: Ryan Taylor over imaginary wall
@williambinks: Hey Mark Lawrenson, F*ck You
@2NarMe: Geordie Boys, taking the piss
@KJDeleau: Raylor doesn’t like walls, anyway
@blefuscu74: Didn’t come unstuck against Toffees
@teeweeM: Toon in 2nd, oh wait…
@tomnufc: Ryan? He hates blue Scousers
@brett150676: Pardew’s black and white army
@dale_toon: Only one Ryan Taylor, BOOM!
@shutla: Unbeaten and third still, unbelievable
@RyanReid: Ryan Taylor starts the fireworks
@2326cowan_NUFC: Still not played any one
@Schrise: Third in league, unbelievable Jeff!
@SlayNoMore: Proud to be a Geordie

But our favourite this week goes to…
@JCMag82: Ryan Taylor over them all

Thanks again for all your input!

SCFC 1-3 NUFC: Your #5WordReviews

Another week…another MINT victory. Here’s your #5WordReviews:

@teeweeM: Football much better than rugby
@nbarber87: Title wrapped up by April?
@KJDeleau: F*ck you, Pulis. F*ck you!
@Tommy_Da_Tank: Pulis’ Cap is Not Magic!
@billyjoelismint: Ba plus Best equals beast <— very clever!
@LynnOtago: Keegan years all over again!
@ajweatherhead: Tony Pulis is a bellend
@adamf2384: Time Bomb knees smashes Potters
@blufescu74: Halloween is my favourite holiday!
@Neilndown: Ba Ba Ba Three One
@Alex_Ingle_nufc: Demba Treble Bins Hoofs Hopes
@Chris_Hewitson: Hattrick or treat for Demba
@SlayNoMore: Gutierrez ran his cock off
@Ludachris14: Hoof City Hoofed Off. Hoof.
@geordiedentist: Stoke reject bites their bums
@MikeNE3: Pulis left crying into towel
@muhammad_pandu: Thank you for the towels
@paulgibbins: Perch, World’s Fastest Yellow Card
@youngin_uk: 10 games gone, still unbeatoon
@stevehill500: Starting to like Alan Pardew
@RyanReid: Trick and treat for Ba
@shutla: Fright night for Stoke…3rd
@zoolander1978: Geordie Boys Outstoke Stoke. Fantastic.
@Jobey07: Stoke throw in the towel
@Tomcarlisleuk: Dry it with a towel
@mickb79: Ticking time Ba blew up
@GrantyNUFC: We have stolen your towels!
@paulgibbins: Perch the midfield enforcer. 

But our favourite goes to @WeAreTheMags for this one (even if he did cheat a bit…):

Perfect Performance Pardew! Pissoff Pulis!

There were a ridiculous amount of #5WordReviews this week…apologies to those who didn’t make it, and thank you for all of your Tweets yet again!

NUFC 1-0 WAFC: Your #5WordReviews

Your Twitter #5WordReviews after our 1-0 home win against Wigan:

@ChristianGT: Epic Epic Epic Epic Epic
@tomnufc: The real life French connection
@JH_1892: Undefeated, fourth, Mackems doing shite
@AnthonyPetit: Could do better than yesterday
@2NarMe: Don’t fucking boo Gabriel Obertan <—-hear, hear
@Hayrr: Ligue 1’s 21st football club
@freddiecase: Dreamboat gives me erection
@Janeytoon: The dreamboat shoots and scores
@chriscook1987: All aboard the fucking dreamboat
@Iwantcurlyhair2: Gay for Cabaye is OK
@WeAreTheMags: Fucking hate living in Shithampton!
@Chris_Hewitson: Swish of Yohan’s majestic wand
@DronaNUFC: All aboard the Cabaye dreamboat
@jamesw84NUFC: Marveaux to Cabaye one nowt
@LilYorkshirePud: Our defence is absolutely magnifique
@blefuscu74: Got the moobs like Palmer
@muhammad_pandu: Raylor and French connection
@sniperinthemist: Hello Yohan, Cabaye bye Wigan
@pedigree_nufc: Don’t east kebab scotch eggs
@thuiw: Wee aye man? Nee botha!
@andymcmuck: Shola on pitch, Toon win
@NufcKev: Magaluff magic from dreamboat Cabaye
@RicjyJohnston93: NUFC learn to win ugly
@billyjoelismint: Beautiful man aids ugly win
@adamf2384: Sexy Yohan, KAPOW pie eaters

Thanks again to everyone for sending em in!

WWFC 1-2 NUFC: Your #5WordReviews

Thanks again for the multitude of #5WordReviews we received for yesterday - you all make this site what it is so thanks!

Here are our favourites:

@andrew_ewing: Fuck me that was close
@fnafilms: I really miss The Pink
@antpayne77: Demba’s scored four since Ramadan
@Septih: I love you Mr Linesman
@LilYorkshirePud: We don’t need to overspend!
@brett150676: Geordie boys taking the piss
@youngin_uk: Capped idiot saves three points
@UKCHAZ: Three points equals best start
@Ludachris14: Best start in 17 years
@billyjoelismint: Thank god Ramadan is over
@blefuscu74: Performance? Who cares? We’re third!
@Patty_518: Dogged, spirited, organised, deserved victory
@oitappin: Starting to get a nosebleed
@muthin_toon: Krul Spiderman robs Wolverhampton Wanderers
@johnson293: Good opening twitchy bum ending
@adamf2384: Passports oot NUFC motha fuckas!
@LynnOtago: Third in the Premier League
@paulgibbins: Feed Demba and he’ll score <—- very clever!
@NintendoLee: Tim Krul has sticky gloves
@teeweeM: Manchester United, Manchester City, TOON!
@WeAreTheMags: We Are The Mags Lives!  

Keep em coming in the comments below!

NUFC 3-1 BRFC: Your #5WordReviews

After another excellent result against Blackburn on Saturday at SJP, here are your #5WordReviews:

@TommyDaTank: Ba saves Toon from relegation
@freddiecase: F*ck your five win record
@munafalmumin: Hatem Ben Arfa is back!
@LEffy14: Dominated from start to finish!
@mr_sketheway: Ba can shag my lass
@MickyCampbell72: Blackburn are in the clarets
@ToonArmyMIA: Glad that Ramadan is over
@ToonStevie: Get them passports dusted soon
@Blefuscu74: Blackburn curse is finally smashed
@2NarMe: The stewards are all c*nts
@Bewson: Ba lambs the chicken loverd
@Chris_Hewitson: Still not first on MOTD
@adamf2384: Sit down and behave yourself
@LilYorkshirePud: I love Demba Ba’s hat
@geordiedentist: Football; easy on the eye
@andymcmuck: Pardew’s Barcelona of the North
@kie9ward: Great win, hate THAT sign
@le_mussedon: Demba Ba on a 3

Thanks for all your entries, many missed out, keep em coming in the comments below however! 

ShiteTweets - #5WordReviews: SAFC 0-1 NUFC

Yep - they’re back!

The #5WordReviews return in style for a Mackem-bashing special.

Here’s our favourites:

@colharding: Webb signing fails to deliver
@andymcmuck: Taylor makes Mackem Bastards Sad
@dale_toon: Shola earns a new hat
@SaveLeonBest: I still have a boner
@ReturnOfTheMag: The shithole that keeps giving
@jamesw84NUFC: Still no song from Brucey
@toonarmynyc: one nil in their backyard
@Uthred89: We smashed their pasties
@gazebo75: Cheaty, hacking, dirty, bastards, GOAL
@ScottyCoats: Lee Cattermole - soft ‘kin twat
@Alex_Ingle_nufc: har har har FRENCHY STYLEE
@blufescu74: Liam, Emre and Ryan
@DazDryden: Larsson auditions for keeper role
@mattypnufc: Fuck you you Mackem kernts
@neesy111: Steve Bruce daft mackem cunt
@youngin_uk: One win in 31 years
@richardlusden: Yohan Cabaye is a dreamboat
@NUFCThreatLevel: Ryan Taylor lobbed two keepers 

And…of course, thanks to the following people who ALL sent us “Ryan Taylor over the wall”:

@NufcKev, @hills90, @Ludachris14, @ConnorNufc, @antpayne77, @billy_the_Fish, @tt9m, @blufescu74, @chrishewitson and @TaylorandBesty

BFC 1-1 NUFC: Your Twitter #5WordReviews

Here are your #5WordReviews of Saturday’s dismal performance at Blackpool:

@NufcKev: Ball never crossed the line!
@Flair20: Uninspiring but job done. Satistfactory.
@DavidJG80: Seaside skirmish = sloppy skiddy stalemate
@PercyMainFC: Thank you again Mike Ashley
@WeAreTheMags: Poor performance provides Pardew point
@munafalmumin: Where did the performance go?
@sniperinthemidst: Newcy Luck and DJ Campbell
@halliday_9: Ireland has got nee hair

Thanks again for your input!

NUFC 4-4 AFC: Your Twitter #5WordReviews

After THAT game on Saturday, here are your five word reviews:

@predemption: Hopefully end of Liverpool replays
@KJDellow: What a f*cking left foot!
@DanielBrydon: Some half time team talk
@Chris_Hewitson: Passion, spirit, belief, heart, Tioté
@kirkdavis: Absolutely unbelievable game of football!
@ToonArmyMIA: Joey Barton is F*cking Class
@NufcKev: 4-0 to the Arsenal…ooops!
@katdave: The most entertaining thing ever
@Ryan_Adams93: A game of two halves
@Anthony_nufc: 51,561 take a bow Mags
@LTFitzG: Stevie Harper’s Flying Peoples Elbow
@NUFCThreatLevel: Sir Joseph Barton of Fenham
@Charliemcnichol: Blood, sweat, tears and Tioté
@Luda14: Leon Best is Mint. Fact.
@weeziebum: Unbelievable determination. Never gave up.
@Flair20: Steve Harper’s elbow drop - LOL!
@blairbuchanan: Cheik Tioté’s volley neutralises KERNTS
@PaulmarsdenNUFC: Should have been five four
@graeme_ncl: United will never be defeated
@Jasper08: A game of two halves
@El_Mantis: Reverend Barton provides divine inspiration
@tt9m: The best. And worst. Ever.
@AndyBodge: Never, EVER, count Newcastle out
@robittw: So pleased I didn’t leave
@IanJamesSmith: What a way to equalise!
@tomnufc: Unbelievable and Tioté is god
@m1cvv: I’d go gay for Tioté 

#5WordReview Special - Andy Carroll joins Liverpool

Last night, we asked you to give us your #5WordReviews of Carroll’s move to Liverpool. Here are some of the best:

@tomnufc: Ashley does right for once
@josh1892: Judas scummy prick good riddance
@Ryan_Adams93: Unhappy but offer was unrefusable
@torontoonarmy: Weld your hubcaps on mate
@KJDellow: All about the money, kernt 
@its_mal_ross: A great piece of business
@DarrelBirkett: Silly money, will we spend?
@JoshuaHeppell: Forced out by Fat Ash
@BianchiRoadyIOW: Could have been a legend
@therealrobbo: Every man has his price
@NufcKev: Sad f*cking judas mackem b*stard!
@sniperinthemidst: Carroll wishes he was Shola
@Gazcumps: You’ll never be a Shearer
@BadgeMonkey (a scouser!): What the f*ck just happened?!
@nendsuperzmaj: Next Shearer became next Owen

And a personal favourite:
@m1cvv: Outside SJP? You’re a kernt…

We then asked for them again tonight, following the further news…:

@tomnufc: Money talks, no.9 means nothing
@ChrisKenobi: Lots of press spin again
@graeme_ncl: Stitched up like a kipper
@darrenprembet: Leon Best better be mint / At least it wasn’t Coloccini
@doobydadoo: He will never go…oh
@MarcSDuffy: They can ALL f*ck off

We love hearing your opinions as always…send owt you like to www.twitter.com/shiteseats or info@shiteseats.co.uk

NUFC 5-0 WHUFC: Your Twitter #5WordReviews

After #LeonBestIsMint reached its crescendo on Wednesday night, we actually won a game handsomely as well…here’s your Twitter #5WordReviews:

@mtthwbrggs: Bugger me it’s Leon Best
@Jasper08: Leon Best is indeed mint
@KJDellow: See, Leon Best IS mint
@NUFCThreatLevel: Cheik Tiote is Mr T
@Nepharite: One Two Three Four Five
@dcb72: Leon Best is actually mint
@therealrobbo: Scotch egg pies were mint
@Hayrr: Leon Best is mint! Jajajajajajaja
@mattcharlt0n: That was a fucking SITTER!
@Luda14: Leon Best is mint. Fact!
@weeziebum: Best Best Nolan Best Lovenkrands
@gilesfenn: Save the best till last
@alkalineboi: Leon Best is f*cking mint
@El_Mantis: Mint, mint, mint, mint, mint
@blefuscu74: Three of the very best
@razzman: Leon Best is mint like
@TheBrightonMag: Now looking up the table
@WeAreTheMags: Bubbles burst by brilliant Best
@RyanReid: Spurs want Best for 30m
@ToonArmyMIA: You’re simply the (Leon) Best
@predemption: West Hammered by the Best
@michaelcrosby17: Who knew Leon was best?
@nenadsuperzmaj: Hammers doing a Newcastle 08/09

Thanks again all for your input…

NUFC 1-3 MCFC & THFC 2-0 NUFC: A Twitter #5WordReview double-header

Here are your #5WordReviews for the festive double header defeats at home to Citeh and away to Spuds…

NUFC 1-3 MCFC:

@0UT0FT00N: five minutes was too much
@ToonArmyMIA: Pardew’s honeymoon is officially over
@oitappin: high work rate low reward
@de_facto_phil: Effort doesn’t get us points
@redskymornings: Five minutes of self ruin
@blefuscu74: Manc Mackems handed Christmas gift
@ToonArmyMIA: Boxing Day is bollocks again
@katdave: bad start, got better. Rubbish.
@pjwhitfield: Nothing different to Hughton’s team
@graeme_ncl: Schoolboy errors but promising signs
@WeAreTheMags: What was number one piedea? (Gaz: alright, alright!)
@Luda14: First five minutes killed us
@Hayrr: Why wasn’t de Jong crippled?
@paulmarsdenNUFC: Kicking ourself in the ballbag
@dcb72: Man City - funded by Al Qaeda
@Nettydoor: Cold, Cold, cold, cold, cold

THFC 2-0 NUFC:

@thisgroupoflads: we are worse with 10men
@ajwacker62: Wigan now a relegation decider
@WeAreTheMags: Spuds beat duds two nil

Looks like the post-Christmas apathy kicked in for the Spurs game - not to worry, we’ll be back in 2011 with more #5WordReviews…!

BWFC 5-1 NUFC: Your Twitter #5WordReviews

Wow. Spectular defeat at the Reebok…and here’s your take on it:

@AndyBodge: Did we have a midfield?
@weeziebum: 5-1 dream turned nightmare 5-1
@Anthony_nufc: Still in the top half
@Luda14: Least we’re not West Ham!
@nenadsuperzmaj: No no no f*ck no
@ToonArmyMIA: Trotters twat terrible Toon turds
@KJDellow: I blame that blue kit
@Martin27Scott: Trolly’d at Underworld live Brixton! (WTF?!)
@canadiangeordie: Beaten by a better team
@Amason81: Sh*te (x5)
@Daz2728: F I V E 1
@toonarmynyc: That was utter f*cking sh*te
@stephraisbeck: 5-1, not the good kind!
@toon_crier: Toon thumped, Carroll scores consolation
@mattcharlt0n: Relegation-standard midfield f*cks us
@tcj9292: Can’t afford those sloppy goals
@kirkdavis: Not good enough as suspected
@mtthwbrggs: Just like watching Kinnear’s Newcastle
@El_Mantis: Coloccini elbowed my wife once
@shushymario: I preferred beating the Mackems?
@blefuscu74: Smith return equals NUFC loss
@stuartheron: What else could Hughton do?
@PlumsofDoom: Did not see it. Glad.
@sniperinthemidst: F*ck off and die, Newcastle
@TheScoreboard75: That was totally f*cking sh*te
@Hayrr: I’d have punched Elmander harder
@joenewman: C*nt, sh*t, f*ck and b*llocks

We sense a theme, here…!