THFC 5-0 NUFC

It truly was Shite Hart Lane for Pardew’s Mags last night as the patched-up midfield surrendered meekly in front of a rampant Spurs to remind Harry Redknapp just what he’ll be leaving behind should he take on the world’s biggest football job at England.

Pardew tried to go attacking, with a 4-4-2 allowing the Dembii to start together for the first time, but all of the pre-game plans were blown away in the first 6 minutes, as Assou-Ekotto and, surprise surprise, Louis Saha both grabbed goals to give Spurs a blistering start.

United had a fair chunk of possession but were creating nothing and, in the words of Chrissy Waddle, ‘sow sloppee’ on the ball, and were consistently punished, as Saha grabbed his second and Spurs’ third on 20 minutes, and Kranjcar made it four on the half-hour.

The central midfield of Perch and Guthrie, who had played so admirably last week against Villa, were blown apart by Parker and Modric, and Williamson and Simpson were also hugely under par and found Saha and especially Adebayor far to hot to handle on a freezing night in North London.

Pardew threw Ferguson on for the ineffective Obertan at half-time, but to no avail, and Spurs grabbed their fifth just after the hour mark, Adebayor grabbing a deserved goal to go with his four assists for his evening’s work.

United saw out the last half hour with no further shipped, but it was a night to forget on and off the pitch, as the Spurs’ fans and media fawning of Harry Redknapp rose to vomit-inducing levels. On the bench, Hatem Ben Arfa yet again field to appear, and concerns must be rising as to whether a future lies ahead for the enigmatic Frenchman on Tyneside.

The travelling Mags were, however, yet again utterly magnificent in the face of a drubbing on he field, backing their lads until the 90th minute and beyond, and, despite the hammering, we remain in sixth place and only a point from the Champions League places, and need to bounce back in a fortnight’s time at home to Wolves.

NUFC 2-1 AVFC

A wonderful debut strike from Papiss Demba Cissé gave Pardew’s Mags another crucial home three points to keep the charge for - don’t snigger - the Champions League places on track.

Pardew shuffled his pack again, this time starting with a midfield of Raylor, Guthrie, Perch and Jonas in a four-man midfield, with Leon Best partnering the returning Demba Ba up front, only for him to lose Best early on, giving the opportunity for Demba II to make his debut.

And it was the original Demba who gave the lads the lead on the half-hour, when he swept home following a blocked Ryan Taylor effort on his return from the African Cup of Nations. Raylor was badly injured in the process - inadvertently it seems from a Stephen Warnock block - and was carried from the field with his leg in a splint, though Pardew has since said that the injury was not as bad as first feared.

United were struggling at the back though, with N’Zogbia and Bent both causing problems for the back four, and after various close-shaves, Robbie Keane finally equalised in the fourth minute of first-half injury time after he touched home from close range following an N’Zogbia cross.

Villa again had their chances in the second half, but the Mags did also, with Cissé guilty of a very poor miss from 6 yards from a Guthrie cross, before he popped up with a goal of stunning quality to give our boys all three points.

Jonas swung in a beautiful ball from out left, which found it’s way to Cissé, who controlled and stuck a stunning left-foot strike high into Shay Given’s net to the delirium of another packed SJP.

United found themselves hanging on in the later stages, but came away with another great three points, and credit must go to James Perch for another tidy performance in the centre of midfield.

Chelsea went one point clear again with their 3-3 draw with Man Utd later on, but we continue to surprise, frustrate and impress in equal measures and remain 9 points clear of that eighth place and could - just could - find ourselves back in Europe.

BRFC 0-2 NUFC

United snuck away with a rare three points from Ewood on Wednesday night as an goal from Scott Dann and a first for Gabriel Obertan gave Pardew’s Mags a 2-0 victory.

Fortune favoured us for the first time in a while, and shone on Ryan Taylor when his strike from outside the area took a wicked deflection off Scott Dann and wrong footed Paul Robinson to give a 12th minute lead.

Blackburn spent the majority of the game piling forward, and United had Tim Krul to thank for keeping them ahead, when he made an excellent double save from a David Dunn penalty and then from the rebound by Gael Givet, and despite Blackburn’s dominance - Danny Simpson yet again blocking a goal bound effort on the line, United hung on, and hit Rovers with a sucker punch in the 96th minute when a superb through ball from Danny Guthrie played in Obertan, who calmed stroked the ball home.

Arsenal’s draw meant that United moved up into fifth position, and t was a real pickup for United following two poor defeats, keeping up the frankly incredible charge towards the Champions League places.

Pardew admitted afterwards that it was a lucky result, but with the Dembii back on Sunday, United can look forward to three home games in four, starting with Villa on Sunday.

BHAFC 1-0 NUFC

On a cold January’s night in Brighton, United yet again tumbled out of the FA Cup to lower league opposition in a meek and feeble manner.

Just as we did at Stevenage last year, we surrendered our last chance of silverware for another season, this time to the irritating scrote Gus Poyet and his ragbag team of limited but passionate players.

United lined up with only one change from Fulham, with James Perch replacing the injured Colo, but it wasn’t at the back where United looked weak - with our midfield and ‘forwards’ particular poor on a shocker of a night for the Mags.

With Shola up top, Leon nominally out left, and Ben Arfa on the right, and with the position of Jonas open to debate, United kept possession well but posed almost no threat to the Brighton goal, save for a couple of Leon Best efforts, one of which was an excellent touch and shot just wide, the other a poor header over.

With Danny Simpson and Ben Arfa showing very little down the right, it was left to Leon and Cabaye/Guthrie to pose an attacking threat, but they failed to do so as United once again crashed out of the cup in the early rounds as the likes of Stevenage progressed.

The only goal of the game came when WIll Buckley cut inside and saw his shot take a critical deflection off Mike Williamson and into the United net. The travelling Mags tried to rouse their heroes, but they never looked like equalising, and were lucky to keep 11 men on the field, with Cabaye seemingly kicking out at the bald, chip-on-the-shoulder centre half Adam El-Abd.

And so another trophy less season for United, and with some warranted (and a lot of unwarranted) criticism sent the way of the players, Pardew and co will need to make amends on Wednesday night at Blackburn, where we may have the services of our Senegalese Dembii, fresh (or not) from their elimination from the African Cup of Nations.

FFC 5-2 NUFC

The Jekyll and Hyde United rocked up at Craven Cottage yesterday as we dominated a very average Fulham side in the first half then capitulated to an invigorated Fulham in the second.

Leading 1-0 at half time through a Danny Guthrie goal, Pardew’s Mags managed to throw it all away in a spectacular fashion, conceding five goals in a half with only one Hatem Ben Arfa strike to comfort the blows.

United started with Ben Arfa replacing Ryan Taylor on the right on the midfield, and dominated a first half where the fluidity of passing and movement was only let down by poor finishing - Coloccini and Shola guilty of missing the worst of the opportunities before a spectacular strike from Guthrie sent United in deservedly ahead.

Whatever was said during the half-time break backfired in a monumental fashion, as the horrible little-footed shite Damien Duff won a pathetically weak penalty after a ‘push’ from Davide Santon. Murphy despatched the penalty, and from that moment on disaster followed for the forlorn Mags.

Dempsey added a fortunate second as Tim Krul’s save from Zamora’s shot hit him in the chest and over the line, and it was three minutes later, when Dempsey shot across Krul.

The fourth goal in 17 shambolic minutes came when another harsh decision, this time against Tim Krul, resulted in a second penalty, which was despatched down the middle by Bobby Zamora.

Hope was temporarily restored with another excellent strike from Hatem Ben Arfa, but Dempsey claimed his hat-trick when a simple ball over the top left Williamson and Colo looking like they were running in treacle, and the American slotted past Krul.

It was a bizarre game and a shocker of a result, but United are a stronger and more resolute side than they have been for many years - and all around the club will be expecting a response at the Amex Stadium in Brighton on Saturday in the FA Cup Fourth Round.

NUFC 1-0 QPRFC

United made hard work of turning over Mark Hughes’ new QPR side, but beat them they did at an abso-fucking-lutely baltic SJP this afternoon.

Despite his wonder goal last week, Hatem dropped to the bench with Ryan Taylor starting out wide right and Danny Guthrie starting in the middle, while Shola and Best started up top.

QPR had the best of the chances, with both the irritating Jay Bothroyd (not very good) and Shaun Wright-Phillips (past it) going close to breaking the deadlock for the visitors.

Yohan Cabaye was forced off on the half hour after a typically scything challenge from Shaun Derry, and was replaced by Hatem Ben Arfa as Pardew shuffled the pack and the formation, with what looked like a 4-3-3 allowing Barfa and Best to attack from wide behind the front man Shola.

It was Leon who opened the scoring, after good work from Shola and Guthrie found him in the area, and he cut back inside the defender and slotted expertly into the bottom corner past Fat Paddy Kenny.

A scrappy game was not helped by Hughes usual kicking tactics, and as half of the QPR side found themselves in the book, the game failed to find any flow.

Ben Arfa looked lively out wide again, and Santon and Coloccini were once again foot-perfect at the back, while Jonas and Guthrie put their stamp on the midfield effectively.

For QPR, it was another defeat that leaves them cemented in the bottom three, but, with Arsenal losing at Swansea later this afternoon, United jumped to sixth, level on points with the Gooooooooooners and only four off the Champions League places.

NUFC 2-1 BRFC

Newcastle advanced to the fourth round of the FA Cup yesterday with a tight 2-1 victory over Steve Kean’s Blackburn.

Pardew shuffled his pack, with Ben Arfa partnering Best up front, and Mehdi Abeid starting in the middle with Yohan Cabaye.

United started brightly again, with chances for Cabaye, Best and Ben Arfa all going awry, before Blackburn hit United with the old sucker punch, when Morten Gamst Pedersen’s corner was bundled home eventually by David Goodwillie.

A frustrating afternoon seemed to be heading for another early exit from the cup, before a change from Pardew galvanised his stuttering army. Shola was introduced for the very poor Obertan (the substation of whom was embarrassingly cheered by sections of the healthy 30k crowd) and Ben Arfa was pushed wide right.

The change paid dividends, as Ben Arfa seemingly felt the weight of the world off his shoulders, and began tearing Blackburn apart out wide, culminating in a goal which, without even a hint of hyperbole, would not have looked out of place if scored by Lionel Messi.

Barfa picked the ball up centrally, beat three men before advancing into the area. Despite almost losing possession, he managed to roll his foot over the ball, and cut back inside onto his left before smashing an unstoppable strike past Blackburn keeper Bunn.

It was a truly magnificent goal, later described by Pardew as the best he’d ‘ever seen’ - and the day was capped when time-wasting and crowd baiting by Bunn was punished in the best manner possible, as Jonas played a one-two with Leon Best before dinking the ball over the keeper into the net in the 94th minute.

It was a deserved, if unspectacular, victory for the Mags, but we are in the hat for the next round, and the displays of Ben Arfa, Jonas, Davide Santon and the home debut of Mehdi Abeid were all worthy of note as we await the fourth round draw at 1730 on Sunday.

NUFC 3-0 MUFC

It’s been more than a decade since United last beat Man Utd, but my god it was worth the wait, as Pardew’s Magpies rolled over the Champions and embarrassed them at their own game at a blustery SJP.

United hassled, hurried and gave their opponents no chance to play, and with Demba Ba on the field, goals are never far away.

When the line-up was announced, it was certainly greeted with a groan from this reporter, but Pardew got it bang on this time - and how - with his selection of Ryan Taylor on the right of the midfield and Shola up top with Demba Ba.

Man Utd had their first chance very early but the impeccable Colo intercepted Ryan Giggs’ attempted through ball, and Dimitar Berbatov’s header was deflected just wide of Krul’s post, but United had chances of their own, with Ba, Cabaye and Tiote all have shots stopped by Lindegaard in the Man Utd net.

United’s goal came from a direct route, but it was certainly no Stoke-style effort, as Shola flicked on Krul’s punt forward and found Demba Ba, who, reminiscent of Duncan Ferguson in 2000, turned a struck a wonderful volley into the Leazes net. 

United should have had a penalty when Rio Ferdinand brought down Demba Ba, but his Man Utd teammate Howard Webb waved away the appeals.

United started the second half in a glorious fashion, when, after Phil Jones had brought down Demba Ba 30 yards out, Yohan Cabaye smashed a sensational free kick in off the crossbar and a yard over the line. Cabaye and his teammates, adorned in their new Virgin Money-sponsored shirts, celebrated wildly in front of the boisterous Strawberry Corner, as SJP erupted in unison.

Fergie threw on Welbeck and Hernandez in an attempt to get his team back in the game, and for a 10-minute period after the second goal they hit United with wave after wave of attacked, only to be foiled by solid defending and a superb goal-line block by the magnificent Danny Simpson.

As the game wore on though, Man Utd looked less and less likely to get back into the match, and Phil Jones’ own goal on 90 minutes capped an incredible - and joyous - night for the Magpies.

It is difficult to pick out individuals from what was a sensational team performance, but Danny Simpson, Davide Santon and Demba Ba all deserve huge credit for their displays, never letting Fergie’s bunch of odious twats settle into their stride.

Cheik Tiote returned to his destroying best, and in Yohan Cabaye United surely have one of the best ball-playing midfielders in the country. 

Credit to Pardew for picking the team up after the hammering at Liverpool, and, on behalf of Mags everywhere, a huge thanks to the team for bringing back pride to a sell-out SJP.

LFC 3-1 NUFC

A lacklustre United side were comfortably turned over in their usual fashion at Anfield last night as old boy Craig Bellamy ran riot on a strange Friday night.

With United lining up with Haris Vuckic in a 5-man midfield behind the lone Demba Ba, and Leon Best dropping to the bench, they failed to get a stranglehold on the game and never looked like getting anything from a match where, quite simply, they were poor.

Despite not looking dangerous, United surprisingly took the lead, when Ryan Taylor’s whipped ball was flicked on by Yohan Cabaye and hit a mixture of Demba Ba and Daniel Agger to deflect past the wrong-footed Pepe Reina.

The lead lasted only four minutes though, when, in a shock to precisely no-one, Craig Bellamy scored for the fifth consecutive game against United to level the scores.

Obertan, Simpson and Tiote had all been particularly poor, and, after Davide Santon replaced the injured and cautioned Ryan Taylor, Bellamy made it two with a curling 25 yard free kick, which Danny Simpson inexplicably managed to deflect past the hindered Tim Krul by dropping off from the wall and blocking Krul’s sight.

It’s difficult to understand who to pin the blame on for what was a calamitous second goal, however it did looked like a rehearsed set-piece defence which went catastrophically wrong.

Steven Gerrard then returned to a huge ovation from the Anfield fans, and on only his 15th appearance of 2011, was the catalyst for Liverpool’s victory in the second half, finding Carroll on various occasions only for the former Magpie to be denied by a terrible first touch and then the crossbar.

Gerrard himself then made it three, with a textbook slid finish after poor work from Tiote and Simpson had found the midfielder in space in the box.

For United, it was the usual piss-poor performance at Anfield, and the customary defeat in the final game of the year, but the performance of Cheik Tiote was the biggest concern, with his passing a huge disappointment throughout.

Hatem Ben Arfa’s cameo did nothing to improve his reputation, with him losing the ball on several occasions in the wrong areas of the field, however United must not dwell on what has been an excellent 2011, and to sit comfortably in 7th at the turn of the year is a credit to the team and management.