Modern Football is the F*/*in Sh*ts - Reasons 11-20

11. Autobiographies - There comes a time in every player’s life usually when he’s still playing - when he decides or his agent/publicist tells him – to write his life story. A couple of interviews with a ghostwriter later and whoopee fcking doo we have 200 pages of guff and absolutely zero interest from the book-buying public. Wayne Rooney has already written two books. That’s one more than the tw*ts read.

12. Undisclosed Fees – If my club is spending my season ticket money on some foreign numpty with a shite name that I’ve never heard of, I want to know how much he cost. I’m not interested in add-ons, appearance fees etc. I just want a number so fckin giz it!

13.  Joey Barton – We at shiteseats don’t like to kick a man when he’s down, but he did, so here goes. Type “Joey Barton Scum” into Google and you get 30,500 results.

14. Scrolling Electronic Advertising Boards – You know when your sitting in the house on a Tuesday / Wednesday night and Man Utd are on the Tele in Europe and they have 10,000 bright fcking luminous scrolling advertising hoardings advertising trips to fckin China and Malaysia and new Audis – that means fck all to a bunch of Slovakians or Tele bound average football fans – we just came for the beer and pies mate and too watch Ronaldo dive all over the pitch.

15. Referee’s assistants - They’re linesmen. End of Story – like calling a toilet cleaner a washroom facilitator – have you noticed they all look like Benny Hills little bald man as well– WTF!

16. Kaka - If he’s not interested in money why does AC Milan have to pay him £173,000 a week for him to play 180 mins a week!

17. Injuries – “We’ll struggle this week as our squad is now thread bear!” – This is commonplace in the premier league and around the top leagues in Europe, this is because modern day footballers despite being super fit are also soft as shite (see Gloves and Vests item #5).  How come Bobby Moore never pulled his fckin hamstring!

18. The FA Cup - When was the last time a postman lifted the FA Cup? When was the last time a bin man scored at Wembley? There’s nothing romantic about a competition which ends every year with a bloke who earns £100,000 a week lifting a trophy that means fck all to him. Its like a film that starts really well and ends with you knocking the twat off with 5 minutes to go as you’ve seen it all before.

19. Radio Phone Ins –

“The next caller is Fat Gary from Jarrow. What do you want to get off your chest, Fat Gary?”

“Well, Bert. I think Kinnears got to go. How can you leave the Zog on the bench when you need three points? And as for that ref, he was fckin shite.”

“Were you at the game, Gary?”

“No.”

20. The Premier League – Since the Premier League broke away from the Football League in 1992 – what changed? Everything! If you won the First Division title, you were the best team in England. If you win the Premier League, you owe someone £500 million.