Some Daft Council Complaints

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

3.  It’s all the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very  badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And  their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside  toilet roof.  I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them  off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I  am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the  wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My  wife tripped and fell on it yesterday, and now she is pregnant.

11.  I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50%  of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain  filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new  drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children  until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my  water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory  seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to  complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock  wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. The man next  door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and  dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and  would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about  it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would  you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every  night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job  and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the  floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

23.  This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken, and we can’t get  BBC2