December 2010
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Archie's Alternative: A Chris-Less Carroll
There is a rumour going round that Pinewood Studios are in the process of making a remake of the Dickens Classic, “A Christmas Carol”.
The new movie is going to be based loosely on the latest owners reign at St James and is currently being filmed with a working title of “A Chris-less Carroll” .
As the story begins we see the central character, a miserly individual who believes that money is...
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The Seats Stats - December 31st 2010
215,016 site visits 311,080 page visits 159 different countries 3878 different cities 3004 posts Compared with November 22nd 2010 192,480 site visits 284,168 page visits 156 different countries 3713 different cities 2934 posts
We’re popular in Iraq.
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#ArseFlannel...
If it was you, please step forward!
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To all our friends, fans and followers (and also...
…may you all have a Toon-filled 2011, and may it bring great success to our beloved club.
2010 has been a better year than many of us expected, bringing us our rampant promotion and current respectable showing in the Premier League.
2010 also brought us some amazing highlights - Jose’s first goal, #LeonBestIsMint, Hatem Ben Arfa, #PedrosBar and, of course, the emergence of Andy...
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NUFC 1-3 MCFC & THFC 2-0 NUFC: A Twitter...
Here are your #5WordReviews for the festive double header defeats at home to Citeh and away to Spuds…
NUFC 1-3 MCFC:
@0UT0FT00N: five minutes was too much @ToonArmyMIA: Pardew’s honeymoon is officially over @oitappin: high work rate low reward @de_facto_phil: Effort doesn’t get us points @redskymornings: Five minutes of self ruin @blefuscu74: Manc Mackems handed Christmas gift...
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Archies Alternative Assessment: NUFC 1-3 MCFC
The Christmas Complement in our house this year comprised myself and my wife, my mother, 3 daughters, 1 female friend of the daughters, 2 granddaughters and 2 dogs. One of the dogs was a bitch while the other, my poor lad Titus, was separated from his masculinity as a pup.
Long story short, 11 inhabitants and only two testicles meant that at this time of peace and goodwill to all men, a bit like...
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Unhealthy rumours...Carroll and Jose off?
We’ve heard from an anonymous (but seemingly reliable) source that Andy Carroll is off to Man City in January, and that Ashley is also howking Jose Enrique around in an attempt to cash in on him during the transfer window…
As ever, don’t shoot the messenger and we’re only passing on what we’ve been told…but it would not be at all surprising given what has...
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 1
Day 1
Apologies for the delay, Christmas day and yesterdays match and general holiday festivities have caused this slight lapse.
Anyhow, here’s the one you have been waiting for…it’s a traditionally English effort…something that opitimises the great british menu.
and no it’s not a f**king turkey dinner pie:
A chicken tikka masala pie!
There you go. Nice and easy...
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Steven Taylor signs on
Steven Taylor has finally agreed terms on a new five-and-a-half year deal to stay with the club.
Despite rumours to the contrary, Taylor made it clear when signing the deal that he always wanted to stay at the club he has been with for 10 years.
Some good news coming out of SJP for a change, and no matter your opinion of him as a player, it is good that he won’t be leaving for nowt in...
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“Australia have been comprehensively outplayed. The end is upon us.”
– The Sydney Morning Herald is suitably understated as usual…
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SeatsReport: NUFC 1-3 MCFC
United were beaten at home for the fourth time this season after a harsh 3-1 reverse at SJP this afternoon.
Starting with Colo partnering Taylor at centre half, and Nolan supporting Carroll up top, The Magpies made the worst possible start and found themselves a goal down within 90 seconds. Tim Krul foolishly tried to pass the ball out of the area and it was intercepted with the ball finally...
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Happy Christmas One and All
Best Wishes to all our readers and fans, thanks again for your continued support.
Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Cheers from Robbo, Gaz and Matty.
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 2
Day 2
Christmas Eve’s suggestion would not be complete without WeAreTheMags - He’s been a top lad with all his #Piedeas so it’s only fair he has the number 2 slot.
A late comer, but one of the best potential pies so far…
Ploughmans Lunch Pie
Take traditional Ploughman’s lunch ingredients, either Cheddar or Stilton cheese, sliced apple, celery, pickled onions,...
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Keith Gillespie - from Barca slayer to Darlo...
It seems like a long time since we turned over Barcelona at St James Park on that barmy night in 1998, but for Keith Gillespie it’s been a monumentally long and arduous 12 years.
This article and interview with him in the *spit* Daily Mail shows just how far and how hard he has fallen from grace.
Good luck though Keith - a legend at NUFC for that one night when NUFC were on top of the...
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 3
Day 3
It’s Christmas Eve’s Eve and today’s entry is certainly one that will tickle your tastebuds…with a hint of Hugo Viana thrown in for good measure. It’s a ‘Portuguese Lamb’ Pie.
Nice and easy to do, buy some lamb steaks, marinade with peri peri sauce over night, chop and then cook, hoy in some cherry tomatoes, put it all into the pie shell and cook...
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The Blaydon Races -> The Longsands -> Sir Bobby...
The Longsands have released there version of The Blaydon Races just in time for Christmas.
It is available for £2.99 in Steel Wheels and HMV in Newcastle and soon the HMV in Silverlink in Newcastle. If you can’t get a hard copy then visit www.thelongsands.co.uk to buy a download. Funds raised go to the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation. Newcastle Centre Half Steven Taylor attended HMV in...
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Newcastles January Transfer Kitty Exclusive
Thats right folks f++k all.
and we all know……………….
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 4
Day 4
Yet another splendid idea from WeAreTheMags, one for all you Sweaty Socks out there… ‘Haggis, Neeps and Tatties Pie’
Simply layer the pie with the above ingredients, pop in some gravy, bake & serve.
As Gordon Ramsay would say…Done!
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Ugly Football The Winner?
So allegedly Big Fat Sam has come out and said “Pretty Football has never won anything!” today, well Mr A what about……
Brazil 1958, 1970 world cups
Italy 1982 world cup
France 1984 european championships
Argentina 1986 world cup
Holland 1988 european championships
Denmark 1992 european championships
France 1998 world cup & 2000 european championships
Spain 2010...
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Soft as...
White.
So then…the country comes to a standstill as soon as we get a little bit of the white powdery stuff (no not that kind Richard Bacon).
The question is, has this country gone soft? Or is it just piss poor planning?
The key thing that affected us lot this weekend was the postponement of Football matches.
An over abundance of Health and Safety gone mad? Common Sense? Or is everyone just a...
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Sir Bobby Robson Foundation DVD raises over...
Another festive cheery article from the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation…
A dvd produced in aid of the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation last year has already raised over £95,000 for the cancer charity and is selling well ahead of this Christmas.
Directed and produced by Geoff Wonfor and Ray Laidlaw, ‘A Knight to Remember’ contains exclusive footage of Sir Bobby’s final interviews and features...
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 5
Day 5
Today’s treat is a nice simple easy to make Hot Dog Pie.
Cook your hot dogs, onions, add them all together with tomato sauce and american mustard.
Bish bash bosh, top fucking nosh!
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The Geordie Thermometer
As our Southern friends whinge about a light dusting of snow and airports close, this reminded me of this little piece of fun posted recently on a forum.
50 Degrees. Southerners turn on their heating. Geordies plant their gardens.
40 Degrees. Southerners shiver uncontrollably. Geordies Sunbathe.
30 Degrees. Southern cars will not start. Geordies drive with their windows down
20 Degrees....
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 8 to 6
What better way than to start the week than write about #Piedeas…
I’m bloody starving thanks to this, so hope you ungrateful bastards are happy!
Anyhow,
Day 8
This is another suggestion from WeAreTheMags (can you tell I’ve ran out of ideas?) is ‘Pudding Pie’ - Nice and easy to do…Put your favourite chocolate bar in a pie crust (Mars Bars work a treat!) and...
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“At the time Carroll would have been sold, but instead I got him to sign a new...”
– Yes, Dennis Wise, we’re sure you did. Just like you ‘signed’ Bassong. The daft thing about this is that they keep churning out this crap, even though they’ve been proven as liars in a work tribunal…
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 9
Day 9
So then, the final countdown is pretty much upon us…the big day is nearly here.
How about a nice hearty Scotch Egg Pie to warm your cockles!
Layer pie with sausage meat and hard boiled egg, cook and serve.
Thanks to WeAreTheMags yet again. Legend.
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When Alan Shearer (Almost) Met Alan Shearer...
A nice article from the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation Fund Raising charity.
Soldier Angela Kelly from Sacriston, County Durham, is an active fund-raiser for both the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation and armed forces charity Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Families Association (SSAFA) Forces Help.
She is supported in her charitable efforts by an unusual but able assistant – her Jack Russell terrier named...
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 10
Day 10
Today’s submission comes once again from WeAreTheMags - it’s an American Favourite - Cheeseburger Pie
Grill burgers, cut to fit pie base, layer with cheese, add a little relish if you want, bake, munch!
Done!
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More lies...or a ray of light?
According to the Daily Mail, Qatari investors are interested in buying out the owner and taking over the club.
Interesting? Or not?
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 23 & Day 11
Well, what an absolute nugget I am, I missed out day 23!
Anyhow, thanks to WeAreTheMags we have some fine suggestions for the next week or so…
Day 23
Full English Breakfast Pie - Now this bad lad has been done by Gaz’s dad before, but Mr Mags up there thought about how class it is and suggested it too. It’s bloody brilliant as we have scranned it pre-match previously.
...
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 11
Day 11
Today brings us the good old classic - Kebab Pie!
Pop to your local kebab house and get a tray of kebab meat, tub of chilli or garlic sauce, pop hyem and throw it all together in a pie. Cook and serve.
Feel free to do as Gaz’s dad did and do an side dish of Salad pie to get some of your 5 a day too.
Takeawaytastic!
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 15 to 12
Now were back up and running after our temporary silence, here’s the #Piedeas over the past couple of days:
Day 15
Decided last week whilst having a curry with the lads, a Bombay Alloo Pie was going to be next on the list.
Tatties, Spices, Tomatoes, whacked together in a pie. Tasty.
Day 14
Feeling hungry and slightly childish? Why not make yourself a nice Fish Finger Sandwhich...
United - for good...
It’s been a long and tumultuous week at Newcastle United, and not for the first time under the current regime, the name of our once-great club has been dragged through the mud.
For many, the last week will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. There may well be no return for many fans who have seen enough of being on the front pages of the national rags.
The past week has also been...
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Top 25: NUFC Calamities - 22 to 18
Who else to kick start these off again than, the one, the only..
Titus Bramble in at number #22 - thanks to @toonarmynyc for reminding us.
This lad was dubbed work in progress for many season, an unfinished article. Ranging from brilliant (Inter Milan Away) to utter garbage (too many to mention), he is the prime example of a Footballer with every natural talent/physique needed to be a...
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NUST - Newcastle United Supporters Club Statement
The sacking of Chris Hughton has rightly brought universal condemnation from throughout the football world for its arbitrary treatment of someone who had at last brought some stability and organisation to the Team and obviously had taken the Region as a whole to his heart. The vast majority of the fans are understandably upset and angry at the treatment meted out to the manager and the fact...
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PDC Darts - Fancy a tip?
Fancy a bet on the PDC Darts championship - starts 16th Dec at Alexander Palace in London until Monday the 3rd of January, heres the selections from the good people of - http://www.betting4profits.co.uk Now Christmas wouldn’t be the same without the darts running in the background but even better if we have a betting interest also. Last year we gave out Whitlock as an each way tip at a...
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The ShiteSeats Alan Pardew Press-Conference Bingo
Play along, mark them off as you hear them - click for full-size
(This can also be used on the ToonTalk Radio Show tonight on NE1FM!)
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A sad, sad sight for all Magpies...
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Until May 2016...
…Alan Pardew will be under contract at NUFC.
Just think about that.
Five and a half years.
Over half-way through the next decade.
After London has hosted the Olympics.
Only 18 months before Russia hosts our World Cup.
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Love will tear us apart...
Newcastle United. The final few lines of the last verse in Joy Division’s greatest work have never been so apt.
As desperation takes hold Is it something so good Just can’t function no more?
So then…as I began to write this I was trying my hardest not to show negativity and bias towards everyone and everything, but it’s too fucking hard.
And so I begin.
Chris Hughton was an...
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“If they are going to fire someone as good as Chris, they have to then bring in a...”
– Jose Enrique has his say
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 16
Day 16
Today’s pie is a one especially cooked for Mike Ashley, Derek Llambias and Alan Pardew.
It’s called ‘Fuck off and die, Pie!’
However, as we can’t publicly give you the recipe for this one…you can fathom that it may (or may not) contain some house hold items marked with:
etc.
Anyhow, here’s your real #Piedea for today.
A one to tickle your...
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Casino Royale - NUFC throws the dice
Alan Pardew is set to be named as the new Newcastle manager within the next 24 hours, BBC Sport understands.
It is believed Pardew became close friends with Newcastle owner Mike Ashley and director Derek Llambias when all three were familiar faces at an exclusive London casino where Llambias was managing director.
What an absolute disgrace.
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The 25 #Piedeas Of Christmas - Day 22 to 17
Apologies for the delay in your daily #Piedeas Seats readers, what with the site having issues and Mike Ashley being a kernt things have been a bit busy…anyhow, here’s the past few days worth of Piedeas for you to enjoy.
Day 22
Day 22 brings us another festive entry, once again from Foz – This is a bit of a sweet entry – Christmas Snack Pie.
Take a handful of dried fruit and nuts, soak...
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“It is believed Pardew became close friends with Newcastle owner Mike Ashley and...”
– BBC Sport’s take on the farce.
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We leave the house for five minutes...
…and look what’s happened!
Apologies all for the downtime, our hosts dropped us directly in the doodoo, however we’re back…and the lunatics have once more taken over the asylum.
Quite what Mike Ashley has in mind after this latest act of lunacy is beyond even the best of us, but it’s fair to say that another honourable and dignified man has been booted...
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Top 25: NUFC Calamities - #24 Bowyer v Dyer (with...
Number 24 in our list of NUFC calamities comes in the form of Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer (with a small sprinkling of Steven Taylor). Dyer and Bowyer, two despicable humans at the best of times, saw their worst attributes combine on one fateful day in April 2005.
With United struggling at home to Aston Villa, and seemingly out of nowhere, the two players clashed off the ball and started on...
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Top 25 Seats Moments - #23 - ‘The Baby Maradona...
The unfortunate Incident whereby a Latino family found themselves in front of the ‘Seats’ at the reading game during our early championship reign (was a shock to there systems), only to have part of their number called a ‘Baby Maradona’ , despite the banter (all of it non-sweary) it’s fair to say they never returned for the second half.
Baby Maradona we salute you!