"Ever wonder why nobody wants to sign for us? @shiteseats for starters. Who would want to be associated with them?"

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The 23 Commandments of Ameobiism

1. Thou shalt eat Apples

2. Thou shalt love Hats

3. Thou shalt have paintings in your house of the view from your window

4. Thou shalt familiarise yourself with the man Lee Clark

5. Thou shalt not pray to Carl Cort, for he beith not good.

6. Thou shalt sit about in a Tractor with your Brother

7. Thou shalt score against the Mackems

8. Thou shalt love all fellow men, unless that man beith Dennis Wise

9. Thou shalt not appear to be a competent footballer, unless thou appears as a second half substitute

10. Thou should covert those who are deemed ‘Mint’

11. Thou shalt stay loyal to thy employers, despite the arrival and departures of those around you.

12. The Number 23 be hallowed and thus respected forever.

13. Should thou end up in red and white colours, thou shalt play shite to ensure that thou dost not remain therein.

14. Thou shalt have an ability to take penalties which is not in line with thy ability to kick a ball

15. Thou shall slay Mackems for they beith evil and untrustworthy

16. Thou shalt have a table with a light within it and it shall be a nice touch

17. Thou shalt look after your Hips, for they are needed for football and dance

18.  Thou shalt respect people of the name John, for they be high in the eye of the Lord

19. Thou shalt beware of Cockneys, for they may not beith what they first seem

20. Thou should look fondly toward the West End, for it beith the best end

21. Thou shalt not purchase tarnished goods, with red and blue logos attached, for they be wicked

22. Thou shalt wear Black and White stripes and thou should be proud

23. St James’ Park beith the Temple of The Lord, respect and love it, for it is great.

Praise be to the Lord.

The Pardew Conundrum

Alan Pardew was plucked from mediocrity, having left a League One team two months earlier, to be put in charge of Newcastle United, a Premier League football club.

A seemingly affable bloke on the face of it, his media-friendly demeanour cuts him a lot of slack from not just his cronies in the press, but, more worryingly, from the more gullible of our support. It seems their opinion of him is warped (geddit, Pardew, conundrum, wahey!) by how the media portray him.

But let’s get things straight. Alan Pardew is, at best, a poor manager. At worst, he is a laughable excuse for a leader who’s actions do no befit that of the manager of a club of our stature.

I will list the reasons why I believe this to be the case:

o In the years since Pardew took over, we have developed nothing regarding a footballing philosphy. We do not have a style of play. We don’t have a coherent game plan. Our players do not appear to know their jobs, nor do they know how to execute them.

o Players appear to be entirely reliant upon their confidence over their ability. They go from world-beaters to liabilities in the space of 90 minutes, and take months to recover. This also goes for the collective team spirit of the squad, demonstrated by our runs of victories followed by horrific runs of defeats. This demonstrates a lack of man-management and an inability to arrest the slide of a player’s form.

o He does not know the best positions of his key players. Tiote has been moved around various midfield roles. Hatem Ben Arfa is played up front on his own. Out wide in a 3. Out wide in a 4. Then he’s dropped. Sissoko plays wide on the right, through the middle, off a centre forward, as a target man. Mapou plays centre half. Left back. Right back. Dropped. Vurnon Anita finds himself in an out of the team. Shola still plays football. It does not lead to continuity of playing staff when they constantly chop and change roles, then find themselves out of the team for underperforming.

o Players are suddenly ostracised for reasons unknown. Sylvain Marveaux disappeared off the face of the earth for some reason. Jonas was dropped with no sign of him returning, then he was booted out on loan. Mapou will be dropped for the clearly inferior Steven Taylor. Hatem is dropped for no reason, then reappears in a confidence-sapped team, in an unfamiliar role, and blamed for the underperformance of his team mates.

o His substitutions are ridiculous at times. We’re 1-0 down at half-time…switch the left backs. Bring Sammy Ameobi off when he’s running around with boundless energy and bring on Dan Gosling. There doesn’t appear to be a logic to his plans.

o His half-time teamtalk must be playing Radiohead on repeat. We constantly come out for the second half of games looking as if we’ve been hoying the zs out for the last 15 minutes

o Players are clearly regressing under him. Mapou was a title-winning captain and international. He’s now a plodding league one full back. Sissoko looked like Vieira, now he looks like a counterfeit Amdy Faye. The less said about Hatem, Cisse, de Jong, Marveaux, Santon, Krul the better.

It’s starting to unravel for him, but what truly is worrying is just how long it’s taken, and how many people still buy into his bullshit.

One thing is clear though - the zombies, the un-dead (as @tfeditor1892 so precisely put it) are here, and here to stay.

Football Shirt Friday

Our friends at Campo Retro are supporting the ‘Football Shirt Friday’ campaign to raise money for the Bobby Moore Fund to help fight bowel cancer. Simply show your colours at work with the football shirt of your choice on Friday 11th April and donate £2 to the Bobby Moore Fund via the link below.

http://bobbymoorefund.cancerresearchuk.org/get-involved/football-shirt-friday/football-shirt-friday

If you fancy picking up a new shirt for the day or maybe showcasing the Bobby Moore 1966 world cup winning shirt then buy a shirt from Campo and they’ll double that donation by giving the Bobby Moore fund £2 for every shirt we sell this week.

Show your colours at work & help raise money for a such a worthy cause!

Next @HotspurFootball quiz - Week on Wednesday! 16th April @ 8pm

Next @HotspurFootball quiz - Week on Wednesday! 16th April @ 8pm

New England Shirts from Campo Retro @CampoRetro

Three lions on your shirt, Jules Rimet still gleaming. You’ll want of these classic England shirts to wear with pride for the upcoming World Cup in Brazil? These two beauties have literally just arrived at Campo Retro and are now available for just £25 each! Bargain.

http://www.camporetro.com/Score-Draw/England

The famous England 1966 Bobby Moore shirt heralds back to our only World Cup title so far, whilst the England 1982 home shirt was a classic worn as the three lions of England took on the world’s elite in Espana 82.

They have more exciting additions to the England collection coming soon…..

An Evening with Alan Shearer…..

AN EVENING WITH ALAN SHEARER
THURSDAY MAY 8th 2014 at 7pm
HEDWORTH HALL, SOUTH SHIELDS

Meet the former Blackburn,Newcastle and England Legend
Entry Only £30 Standard £50 VIP £70 VVIP £100

Tickets from Hedworth Hall or from www.wraithpromotions.com

Alan Shearer is heading to South Shields this Spring in what promises to be one of the biggest dates in football fans diaries. The former England Captain will answer questions from the fans on all aspects of his career including his time at Blackburn where he lifted the Premier League trophy and of course his boyhood club Newcastle United where he led the team to consecutive FA Cup Finals.

Shearer said, ” I’m really looking forward to meeting the fans in South Shields. There is always plenty to talk about on these occasions as far as Newcastle United is concerned but with the World Cup on the horizon i’m sure the fans will be wanting to look at England to.” 

Promoter Danny Cox of Precision Sports is bringing the current Match Of The Day Pundit to Hedworth Hall in South Shields and is naturally delighted. “It really is a big coup bringing Alan to South Shields. His diary is full 366 days of the year and we have worked hard to make the venues dream a reality. Alan is one of the best after dinner speakers in the business and the fans will go home feeling that they have met a sporting legend and most importantly got value for money. “ 

Football Quiz Tonight 8pm @TheHotspur103 - Cloughie digs it. 

Football Quiz Tonight 8pm @TheHotspur103 - Cloughie digs it. 

NUWFC KO this Sunday 2pm (9th March) vs Blackburn Ladies (Coach Lane) #SupportWorLasses

NUWFC KO this Sunday 2pm (9th March) vs Blackburn Ladies (Coach Lane) #SupportWorLasses

Mike Ashley declines chat with local MP.

From The Evening Chronicle site (click for page)

Seems our very own MP and Magpie Chi Onwurah reached out professionally to have a chat with Mike Ashley about the goings on at SJP given the importance to the club to our great city.

the response seems to have been a resounding NO.

To be expected I suppose, yet again lack of communications from the Club which is very disappointing indeed.

Campo Retro (@CampoRetro) Football Shirt Review

Recently we were lucky enough to receive a shirt from Campo Retro an online provider of quality football shirts, with a retro slant. I must say the shirt we received was a Black and White striped (obviously) Bernabeu style shirt. This is a very nice subtle  looking shirt, well made and looks great. This was well packed and received in a cracking retro style newspaper packaging.  

The shirt would be perfect for those Summer months watching the world cup. I would thoroughly recommend Campo - have a snoop around their website as they offer a lot of variation in style and type of shirt. 10/10..

Website - http://www.camporetro.com/

Twitter - @CampoRetro